Tough Love: My experiences, struggles, and self-doubt of my Artist Journey (so far).
- Richard M Crosbie
- Jan 30
- 10 min read
Updated: Feb 2
Four Years into my 'Art Journey'
As I write this, not only am I about to cross the international date line as I travel back from Canada to Hong Kong, but by my reckoning, I am now 4 years into my new career. I consider the ‘birthdate’ of my art journey to be my first appearance as a vendor at a local craft market. Before that I would say I was a budding hobbyist, sketching and drawing for my own satisfaction. However, the day I decided to lay out art prints of my artwork for passing shoppers to purchase potentially, was the day I think I transitioned from an out-of-work product designer to an independent artist and small business owner.
I remember feeling so nervous and self-conscious. I wondered if anyone would be interested in what I had to offer and would share my enthusiasm for artwork featuring Hong Kong scenes and subjects. Was I alone in my admiration of this corner of the world? Would anyone think my artwork was good enough that they would choose to not only purchase it but display it in their homes or gift it to their friends or family?
I remember it being a very hot and humid day in the South Plaza of my home village of Discovery Bay on Lantau Island, Hong Kong. We were still amid the pandemic and I had to wear a facemask as I worked on my stall. Despite this, there were many visitors to the market and I was thrilled to discover that, yes indeed, art prints of my artwork were selling like all the other assorted products being sold by the other “real” vendors. Even though I had taken steps to register my business and officially declare myself an artist on various forms, it took me a few additional markets and events before I started to feel the effects of imposter syndrome lessen.
Commissioned Projects
I think what finally helped me feel more comfortable with my new title of ‘Artist’ was when I delivered my first commissioned artwork to an eager client. However, I was not prepared for the pressure and stress that I heaped upon myself to ensure that I performed and delivered to a customer’s request. When I work on my own directed projects, I feel that I can take more risks, experiment, and above all things, enjoy myself.
However, when I know somebody is waiting expectantly and who has paid good money for my services (even if I now realize I severely under-priced myself and I should ask for an advance deposit), that’s when the worry gremlins appear, the doubts, the fears, etc. Thankfully, my previous design experience of working on tight and restrictive product briefs helped me meet the client's expectations.
To date, I have now sold a total of 41 of my original paintings to customers. Both directly and via gallery representation at Art Shows and exhibitions. Of this number, 20 were commissioned projects with subject matter directed by the customers themselves. What I think has become the key to success when engaged in commission work, has been to find something in the painting process that I enjoy and benefit from in the same way I enjoy working on my own chosen subjects, such as trying a new technique, a different lighting effect or something cool and interesting in the details.
It has also been vital to retain complete copyright control of my work so that I can add commissioned work to my art print collection. Plus, I try to stipulate to prospective clients to choose a subject that fits into my ‘Hong Kong Groove’ and avoid anything too personal such as kids, pets, and portraits.
That being said, the most successful commissioned project I have completed thus far has been an entire 50-page sketchbook full of dog and family pictures! So never say never would be my advice if the price and situation are right for you. Plus, I needed something to work on whilst I was recovering from knee surgery and couldn’t attend any in-person events.
Artist as a sustainable career
So, do I consider to be a professional artist now? I would say a big yes. I continue to sell both high-quality art prints of my artwork as well as original works. The more difficult question is if I consider myself to be a ‘successful artist’. The ‘jury is still out’ for the answer to that question.
My annual earnings are far less as compared to the time I had a ‘regular salary job’. Plus I no longer have the security of company health insurance or the illusion of prestige from having to wear business attire and have a ‘role’ to play within a professional work environment. For the first 2 years of the pandemic, I didn’t even cut my hair or shave, which resulted in my resembling the role Tom Hanks played in the movie ‘Cast Away’! I could have walked along my local beach shouting ‘Wilson!’ and auditioned for a sequel!
While working in the corporate world, I didn't get to see or feel my monthly salary, it was just a figure that appeared as if by magic into my bank account at the end of the month. Regardless of how hard I actually worked during that time (Usually pretty hard but nothing compared to my current situation!). Now, I am a lot closer to my earnings and appreciate every single dollar and cent that I strive and struggle to earn, often physically touching cash during face-to-face transactions and being a lot more thankful for every single customer I am lucky to meet.
This question of how to support oneself as a full-time artist is something that I discuss regularly when I meet other artists as I feel it’s vital to learn from others going through a similar situation.
Most artists I have met also have some form of online presence which they use to promote their work and services. Besides social media and personal websites, there are various online platforms like ‘ESTY’ and ‘SHOPIFY’ where one can set up a web shop. I have such a ‘shop’ on the local platform ‘Qraftie’ where I sell some of my most popular open-edition prints (signed but not numbered). Also, some galleries have an online platform that allows artists to sell both their originals and prints of their work. Again I am lucky enough to be partnering with a local business called ‘The Hong Kong Arts Collective’ who have a range of my original works and limited edition prints on sale (signed and individually numbered).
Some artists I have met offer some form of teaching or art tuition with a few having studios set up for art classes. Others will work directly with schools as visiting artists or arrange meet-ups for groups to experience urban sketching or a specific skill or techniques at venues catering to it, such as pottery, printmaking, or ‘Art Jams’.
I have not yet ventured into this area as of yet. I have been asked a few times and my answer has always been ‘maybe?”. I’m not entirely sure of how to teach what it is that I do. Simply because no one ever taught me. Yes, I studied art at school and I even did a foundation course in Art and Design. But the teaching method was basically ‘Here’s a project, here are some materials and a space, get to it!”. Even at the degree level, when studying ‘Three Dimensional Design’ with a focus in ‘Product Design’, the instruction was minimal and project-based. So I would say I am self-taught by practice and experimentation rather than direct instruction.
But maybe there are some things others could learn from me if I were to just voice my process and decision-making as I worked. Maybe? I could discuss the basics of perspective, light, shading, and sketching (or rendering as it was known back in my University days!). One technique that I use when sketching freehand is to show myself the artwork via a mirror. Sometimes, seeing the reversed image highlights errors with proportions, etc. Another tip is to take a photo of the subject that is being worked on and to squint when looking at it. This will indicate the true lighting values of a scene. So maybe there are a few things I could share with potential students. Never say never!
The subject that I am trying to address is earnings or rather revenue streams. Besides selling art and teaching art, what else is there? Talking about art? (motivationally?) Licensing Art? (digitizing artwork to apply to products i.e. Casify?). This is something that I continue to explore in the hope of making my new career more sustainable.
The 'Ups & Downs'
I have experienced a few ‘long nights of the soul’ since starting this art journey into what it feels like is the unknown. Like a small ship sailing into the vast ocean with no map. Sometimes the doubts and fears can become overwhelming. Hearing other artists share their similar stories is both reassuring in the sense that it’s not just me experiencing these emotions, but also disheartening in the sense that other artists who I believe are truly talented have no easy answers.
What has given me hope, is the feedback that I have received from customers and admirers. I love it when a customer sends me a picture of the artwork they bought hanging up in their home or the recipient of a gifted picture does the same. It is a real boost to my confidence and self-esteem and gives me the energy to keep calm and carry on as the adage goes. Also, sometimes I forget a specific picture and then rediscover it again and ask myself ‘Hey, that's pretty good....How on earth did I do that!’.
That’s another question. What is good art?
Yes, I agree art is subjective and different for every one of us. Just like music is. There’s nothing worse than someone insisting that you listen to a band they like and show the same level of enthusiasm as them. We like what we like and there’s nothing wrong with that. One person’s preferences do not hold more worth than another’s even if they are a studied professional or critic.
Sometimes, we can express the reasons we like a picture. Maybe it’s the subject, composition, colour palette, etc. Yet sometimes we don’t specifically know why. We just have a feeling. A connection has been made that is profoundly personal. This is why I don’t publicly criticize other artworks, no one has the right to be the judge and say what is good or bad. That being said, I mostly know what I like and what I don’t.
The things that I do like I try to imbue into my work. I gravitate to art that is created by hand using traditional techniques and falls into the picturesque rather than abstract area. I truly admire technical artists who capture realistic representations of subjects. I’m not a big fan of ‘stunt art’ like taping bananas to canvases yet, nor am I a fan of A.I.-created art. I can appreciate some 'really good' abstract works, as well as some digital creations. although I know the computer programs themselves are doing a lot of the heavy lifting having been the manager of various design teams in my past career. I suppose it all depends on the individual and the artwork being observed.
My ‘objective’ when creating artwork is to try and make it as ‘good’ as I can to the best of my abilities using my intuitive skills and experience. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. Yet even failures can be of value if something is gained from the endeavor. I want my customers to feel that they are purchasing a quality and superior product, something that has taken time, consideration, and skill to create. What is currently driving my artistic output is the environment in which I live, specifically Hong Kong. I became an artist because I live in Hong Kong, I wasn't an artist who happened to be in Hong Kong. It was Hong Kong that inspired my 'rebirth' as an artist, and I'm not sure it would have happened if I had been living anywhere else during the pandemic. Whether I find another muse or source that inspires me in the same way remains to be seen.
So what is the objective of my new career? I suppose it is to be able to do something that I enjoy and earn enough so that it becomes truly sustainable. I think fame is another thing. Recognition from one’s peers and industry leaders would be nice, hopefully within my lifetime! But ‘fame’ is intangible, and sometimes meaningless in this age of influencers, fakes, and attention seekers for eyeballs.
I don’t like the feeling that I have to ‘perform’ for my art. Such as appearing in ‘reveal’ videos or developing some outrageous persona. I don't really like seeing myself in photos and would say I veer towards the introvert rather than the extrovert on a personality scale. This is probably why I don't use a picture of myself for my profile pictures on social media and use a 'monogram' made up of my initials instead. Some of the local artists who I admire tend to be quite shy and soft-spoken too. I respect them because of the quality level of their artwork, not because they flaunt themselves in the media or play the role of attractive influencers.
The pressure to create ‘content’ to feed the monsters that are social media algorithms is already a burden (like writing this blog on a plane instead of watching the inflight movies!). However, acting in a way that is not natural to me just for likes, clicks, and follows is a step too far. For me, I don’t feel that I can ‘sell’ my art as in actively talking about it and promoting it like a piece of merchandise, i.e. “Hey man! Wanna buy some art?”. I want my art to speak for itself and make that connection to someone on its own merits. For sure I can step in when the time is right to provide more context, background, and my own thoughts and feelings about a piece, but only when invited. Then I will be more than happy to do as the interaction will be genuine.
The more I learn about the art industry the more concerned I become with the notion of ‘making it’. There seem to be so many artists out there, many covering similar subjects to myself. Not to mention the impact that Artificial Intelligence (AI) is having on the art industry or even digital art for that matter. I find the concept of ‘digital scraping’ I find quite concerning. That is some tech companies train their AI by copying real artists' work and then replicating it. If there is some protection from their practice for artists I would love to hear about it. My hope is that the human element will prevail and make the all-important connection to another human being. Maybe this is a subject for another blog post after I have investigated the subject in more detail.
Keeping calm and carrying on!
When I feel overwhelmed by questions like this, I try to refocus on my skills and abilities. My own story, my own experiences, and my viewpoint of the world. Yes, there are multitudes of artists out there, but there is only one of me, and as long as I can continue to do something that I truly enjoy and connect with others I shall persevere! Thank you dear reader for your time, attention, and support, and a special and big thank you to every customer I have been lucky enough to serve.
Much love, Richard.
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